As I was going about my usual day at work (elaborated as talking endlessly, writing aimlessly and daydreaming shamelessly, all while warming my chair and tapping away at a keyboard), I happened to glance at the date today and the simple thought that went thruough my head was- 'This time last year, I was 1 week into my stay in Delhi'. And that's all it took-Bye bye productive day, hello nostalgia lane!
Its been about 9 months since I got back to Singapore, and not a day has passed when I havent wished myself to be back- to that place, to that time, to those people. It was quite something. Weeks on weeks of time spent with friends, meals after meals of scumptious food, days after days of living in the moment- life felt full of possibilities. Add to that, the magic and romance of delhi itself (I am sure this had something to do with me reading 'City of Djinns' a few weeks into my stay there), and you can understand why I am so completely jaded about my time there.
Admitedly, I am guilty of some degree of idealism. I'm sure in my 4 months in delhi, I must have cribbed about the city (probably while sitting in an auto in the sweltering May heat, trying, but failing miserably, to brave the hot winds with a dupatta wrapped around my face), I must have felt low and lonely (Definitely during my first few weeks there much before I met B, A, U and all of the others), I might have even missed Singapore at times (much as I don't like to admit that, it's a possibility). But all I remember now is how happy I was then. And that is why nothing gets me smiling like the idea of going back to Delhi.
But Delhi to me is more about the people I met there, than the place itself. Rambling conversations with B lying on her terrace, late night drives over the DND flyover with A, the most wonderful and surprising ever not-quite-birthday celebration planned by AM, the ever-so-often-but-oh-so-rewarding food quests with U or P or N in the middle of work. Nothing would have been the same without them all- Delhi, the 4 months or even me!
And that's what scares me about actually going back there (as opposed to just thinking about it). People move on, people change (as some already have) and without the same people, the same feeling, Delhi would somehow become less wonderous, less exciting and less magical.
Well good for me then I guess. As things stand today, its not a fear I need to face. I am here in Singapore, working my days away, wondering what life intends for me (or what I should intend for life) and losing more and more of myself with each passing day (or so I feel). Knowing the happiness I felt in Delhi only makes me acutely (and painfully) aware of the lack of it (happiness that is) in my existence here.
But such is life, I'm told! Without being in the 'down' you can't really recognize the 'up' (even if it does the chicken dance in front of you, apparantly). And who am I to disagreee?
Currently Reading: Cleo march 2008 issue (believe it!)
Currently Listening: Strange condition- Pete Yorn, Alive- Pearl Jam, See you again- Miley Cyrus
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
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